Pour Your Heart Out: A change a'comin' on

Where o where to begin...

They are closing the seed company where I work.  There are 36 of us losing our jobs, our livelihoods, our little work family that we all love so much.  Our lives are being altered by no choice of our own.  At first, this was very, very difficult to swallow, and now as it drags on and on, we are all just ready for it to end. 

People are expecting us to care just as much as we did 2 months ago before we found out we were all being fired in order for the corporation to become "more efficient, to increase customer responsiveness, etc etc(insert all other BS they've thrown at us here)". But, as much as I care about my fellow employees and about these customers I've built a relationship with over the past 4 years, I just don't have the same passion or drive for my every day duties as I once did. I mean, how could I? How could any of us?  We got fired. We all have our expiration date. Why should I want to work late or work weekends or stay through lunch? Why put in extra effort and receive absolutely nothing in return?

FYI, if your company is about to be sold to a corporation...RUN, don't walk!! Get out the door. They do not care about you, your family or the small town they are killing with one fail swoop. They do NOT care that they are screwing 36 people out of 3% of their yearly income because they promised a bonus that would fill the void and they fired everyone before they had to pay it.  O yes, yes, it happened.

So, a few people are done in May, most are done in July, I have til October and 2 people are here through December. We all have our own expiration dates.  And as far as I can tell, we are all ready for our dates to arrive. Afterall, there's only so much crap you can handle when you've been crapped on this long...

So...what's next? Where do we go from here?  Jobs are few & far between out here in Small town West TX. I wish I could just throw a leg over old Uncy and take off riding - never look back - just see the world. But reality is here.  I'm married, I have responsibilities and a baby brewing too.  So many changes all at once...so many new and different feelings/emotions.

I want to love my job. I want to want to go to work. Once upon a time, I didn't hesitate to wake up at 4 am just to go work cattle with my Dad. I loved it. I loved spending hours in a round pen doing ground work with colts. I loved feeding cows and checking fence and mending water gaps and doctoring cows. I loved it.   Tell me what a girl with this kind of love is suppose to do.  Please, tell me.

This baby is the most important, amazing blessing I've ever received. I can't wait to be a mommy and I know Kam is so excited. He saw the baby for the first time yesterday at our 12 wk sonogram - he wore a permenant smile the rest of the day. I know this will be the most important  thing I'll do with my life....and losing my over-demanding job is definitely a blessing in disguise. I do want to be the one to raise my child, after all....

Changes are a normal part of life. An every day adventure. And I know good times wouldn't be so sweet with out the hard times to show you how to appreciate them...so I'm  holding on to these scary changes and remembering how my Mom & Daddy have seen the hardest of times and have always held their heads up high, knowing God would provide and He always does, no matter how dark things look...the light is there if only we seek to find Him!! 

So this is me...a simple girl, seeking HIM. :)

Love to all!!!


W