Pouring my heart out....

I'm frustrated.

I have so many dreams. So much to say, so much I want to accomplish and yet I am stagnant.

Do you ever question who you are? How you do things? WHY you do things?

I have a "Bucket List".

Here's a few I have yet to accomplish and am, at this point in my life, quite afraid I will never accomplish:

1. Be a mommy.
I'm afraid I'll never be a mommy. This is something I want more than anything else in this world.

2. Own my own business.
When I went to college, I had a dream. I wanted to open my own therapuetic riding center. I volunteered all through college. It was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. To see the relationship between those children and the horses was simply miraculous. To watch those kids grow physically, mentally and emotionally was a true blessing from God. After I graduated I had no money so I got a job. I live too far away and my job is too demanding to volunteer on a regular basis now, so I just stopped volunteering. I need land, gentle horses and equipment. I realize how hard it would be...I'm afraid I'm letting my dream die.

3. Live in the country AGAIN.
Again, this may not make sense to anyone, but town is KILLING me. I am not built for a city street. I'm made to be found at the end of a dirt rode, preferably a long one. If I didn't love my husband so much, I'd just take the tent and camp out somewhere far away from civilization for the rest of my life. Hey...that might be kind of fun actually! :)

4. Compile my poetry/prose.
I doubt any of it is any good, but I really think it'd be neat/healing/helpful/interesting/etc. if I could get all of it in one location - see the transitions from girl to teen to young woman. How I've changed, how I've grown. It's all in there. Love, loss, confusion, passion, sorrow - it's all in there. ~ You know, this one is very doable. Time to stop procrastinating!

5. Ride my horse every day just like I use to.
I use to ride almost every day. I covered lots of ground with a horse between my knees. It's been 9 months since I rode last. 9 months. Isn't that the saddest thing ever!?! Well...to me it is. To some, it's stupid, but to me it is extremely important. Riding helps me find myself and gets me back to ME.

6. Make a difference.
I want to make a difference. I want to help someone who truly needs helping. I want God's light to shine out from inside of me. I want to have SOULshine! Sometime I know I have it, but I want it all the time! I need to be this way all the time. I want to make a difference by being God's warrior princess just like I'm suppose to be. (If you've done the Bible Study, Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman by Beth Moore, you know what I'm talking about, if you haven't, I strongly suggest it!!!)


Most of you are probably thinking - Whitney, seriously you are only 25! You've got a lifetime to achieve your goals! But really...be honest. Once you let these things slip by, most times they are gone forever....sad, but true.

Here's hoping I make at least some of these dreams come true! (Lord willin' & the creek don't rise, of course!)

Peace, Love & Confessions,

WHIT